{ooc;} edit to do famcy new table <3

you thought you were numb.
you thought nothing would or could hurt anymore.
you thought wrong.

your brother is gone too now, and sometimes you feel like your family is made of quicksand. everyone keeps disappearing, even those you thought never would, and now you find yourself watching and waiting to see who will abandon betray you all next. how can they keep walking away like this? do they not care? do they not give a damn? you can't - you won't - forgive them, not a single fucking one of them. you push down your feelings, even what little is left of your anger, and you dig for the numbness that's kept you company over the last few months.

you're the heir now, your father's right paw and you must be strong. you must learn to be the perfect son because you're no longer the spare. you can't let emotions get in the way, can't let your pain overwhelm you or let it break you down, and so you grasp desperately at the numbness in the hopes that it will save you. in the hopes that it will keep you from drowning beneath the weight of your too-strong heart, that phoenix that keeps burning in your chest. better to let it die and turn to ash and never be reborn than to keep struggling to contain its flames.

settling to your haunches away from the rest of the little traveling group, you stare out at the landscape as the sun begins to set, looking much thinner than you should. the silence that's enveloped you for all these months is just another kind of mask, something you wear to hide the feelings you're so desperate not to have. you use it to hide how much you're struggling and to pretend that you're fine - though it only works because you've always been a little quiet. that, and so much is changing for everyone that your own changes seem to go unnoticed.

you're glad for that.

after everything, the last thing your family needs is to be worrying about you.

(This post was last modified: Jul 15th, 01:03 AM by Hephaistos.)